The world span
around me as I tried to put all the pieces together, “what did you say?” I
asked the officer who stood solemnly in front of me.
“Your parents are
dead; they died in a crash just off of Highway 51. I’m sorry son,” The man
rubbed his grayed beard I assumed out of nervous habit.
I could no longer hold myself up as the news
hit me, “what?” I choked as I sunk down to my knees. The man caught me before I
sunk further and knelt down next to me. I sat there and sobbed uncontrollably
as my world came crashing down. They couldn't be dead could they? My God they
can’t be dead, not with the last words I shouted at them before they left! I
don’t know how long I stayed like that, unresponsive and sobbing pitifully in
the arms of a stranger but it felt like the man was becoming uncomfortable in
the time.
“Come on son,
let’s get you somewhere to stay for the night,” the officer said, breaking my
solemn trance and trying to help me up by my elbow.
I got up
mechanically and followed him out the door and into the empty night air. The world
felt incredibly hollow and scarce of the joy that once filled it. As the
officer helped me into the back seat of his police cruiser I thought back to
the last time I saw my parents, that last moment that I saw them alive. Resting
my head against the cold glass, the engine starts up as I relive the moment.
“You know exactly
why we’re upset with you!” My mother shouts.
I look down at my nearly empty bowl of cereal and back up at
her, “care to elaborate?”
“Damn it Jared!
You know exactly what I'm talking about! Mark, help me out.”
“Listen to your
mother son,” my father says lamely.
“You promised us
that you’d wait till marriage!” My mother shouted once more.
I shrugged my
shoulders and get up from the table, walking away from my enraged mother and
grabbing my bag for school.
“Don’t you walk
away from me young man! You get your butt back here, I’m not done with you!”
I looked back at
her, the door opened as I was already halfway out of the house, “Screw you! I
don’t care what you think about me! You can both just go to Hell for all I
care!” And with that I slammed the door behind me and didn't look back as I
walked to school.
I tried and shake
the memory out of my head but that last image of my mother and father in the
kitchen was engraved in my mind. The disappointment in my mother’s face was
undeniable and I felt pained to find that my last memory of her. My father had
acted very calm through the entire charade but the distaste in what I did was
inevitably carved in the placement of his features.
You can both just
go to Hell for all I care! That phrase replayed itself in my mind over in over
following the hurt look that appeared on my mother’s face as a result. How
could I live with myself knowing those were the last words they ever heard from
me? You can both just go to Hell for all I care! How cruel could I be to shout
that without knowing for sure that I could apologize for it later?
The officer looked
back at me through the rearview mirror and says, “something eating at you son?”
I broke down once
more as the memory flashed through my mind again and again like a classic
movie. Who could be so cruel to let me watch it over and over and not take
pity? How could you be so cruel to leave your parents with such hateful words?
I bet in their last breath they thought of that moment in the kitchen as you
yelled at them, “you can both just go to Hell for all I care!” . I bet that was the very last thought that
went through their heads. I hope you’re proud of yourself Jared. I hope you’re
proud.
With my head in my
hands I continued to spill out my emotions in the back of that police car as we
sped away from my home, and my life. There seemed to be no light at the end of
the tunnel I was stuck in, but I didn't really deserve such a mercy.
